Ella writes (lunchtime on third day of new job)
We recently finished with our therapist. We moved to her last year and for six months we have been having our individual sessions followed by one for both of us.
We decided to stop for a while because we had said all we felt able to say to her. There are feelings and experiences I have shared with Eve that I still could not say face-to-face to any other person. I know the same thing is true for her.
But in some ways the therapist has helped me. I now have a pretty good idea of what everyday events can trigger abnormal reactions. I can deal with some of them, some have gone away by practising them again and again until my brain got used to the idea. A few I have to work round, perhaps for ever.
Some are so silly, some so obvious.
Sitting in a middle of a room rather than with my back to the wall is still quite hard. So is dealing with any situation where I feel “I am in trouble”. Watching some films (most recently Happy Valley) where there are very specific forms of violence is not a good idea.
Undressing in front of girls like at school for PE and showers took ages to get used to. Eve has an ace funny story about this she might share, she tells it better than I do. Same thing with my boyfriend who had to be very patient.
I still cannot bear to even touch a riding crop and seeing one like I did at a Car Boot sale is still really frightening.
I have never shared this before and I hope nobody minds.
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